How to know if a friendship is one-sided?

Friendship is built on mutual respect, trust, and effort from both sides. However, sometimes we find ourselves in relationships where it feels like we're putting in all the work, and our friend is offering little in return. This dynamic can be draining and emotionally confusing. In these cases, it’s possible that the friendship is one-sided.

But how do you know for sure? Let’s explore some of the signs of a one-sided friendship and what you can do about it.

Signs of a One-Sided Friendship

1. You’re Always the One Initiating Contact

In healthy friendships, both people make an effort to stay in touch. If you’re always the one reaching out—whether it’s texting, calling, or planning to hang out—it might indicate that your friend is not as invested in the relationship. You may find yourself waiting for them to respond or take initiative, only to be disappointed time and time again.

What to Do:

Set Boundaries: Stop initiating contact so often. Give your friend the opportunity to show interest in maintaining the relationship.
Observe their Response: If they consistently don’t make an effort to reach out or engage, it could be a sign that they’re not as committed to the friendship.

2. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something

In a one-sided friendship, you might notice that your friend only contacts you when they need help, advice, or emotional support, but never reciprocates when you need them. This pattern of using you without offering anything in return can be emotionally draining and may leave you feeling like you’re being taken advantage of.

What to Do:

Communicate Your Feelings: Share how you feel when your friend only reaches out during times of need. Let them know that a friendship should be mutually beneficial.
Set Limits: If they only contact you when they need something, start setting healthy boundaries. Don’t feel obligated to always be there for them.

3. You Do All the Effort in the Friendship

Friendships should be a two-way street. If you find yourself constantly doing all the planning, emotional labor, and effort to maintain the relationship, it may be one-sided. This could involve constantly offering support, inviting them to activities, or making plans, while they rarely do the same for you.

What to Do:

Take a Step Back: If you’re always the one putting in the effort, try stepping back for a while. Give your friend the chance to initiate and put in the same amount of energy into the friendship.
Evaluate the Effort: After a while, if the effort still doesn’t feel balanced, it might be time to reconsider whether this friendship is worth maintaining.

4. They Don’t Make Time for You

A key aspect of any strong friendship is spending time together. If your friend regularly cancels plans, doesn’t follow through on commitments, or only seems interested when it's convenient for them, it could be a sign that they’re not as invested in the friendship. If they truly valued the relationship, they’d prioritize spending time with you.

What to Do:

Assess Their Priorities: Notice if they make time for other people or activities, but not for you. If they’re consistently unavailable and never try to reschedule, it’s a red flag.
Express Your Needs: Let them know that spending time with you is important to you, and see if they make the effort to change their behavior.

5. They’re Always Self-Focused

In a healthy friendship, both people should be able to share and listen to each other. If your friend is always talking about their own problems, successes, or experiences without ever asking about yours, it can feel as though they’re not really interested in you as a person. This can create a sense of emotional imbalance in the relationship.

What to Do:

Address the Imbalance: Share your feelings and let them know how you feel when they don’t ask about your life or experiences. It’s important for both friends to support and listen to one another.
Assess Their Response: If they don’t seem to care about your perspective or make an effort to engage in meaningful conversation, this could be a sign of a one-sided dynamic.

6. You Feel Drained After Interactions

A true friendship should uplift and energize you, not leave you feeling emotionally drained or unappreciated. If you feel exhausted, undervalued, or emotionally depleted after spending time with this friend, it might indicate that they’re not giving back in the same way.

What to Do:

Pay Attention to Your Emotions: Reflect on how you feel after your interactions. Do you feel supported and valued, or do you feel like you’ve been emotionally drained? Trust your instincts.
Take Care of Yourself: If the friendship leaves you feeling exhausted, it’s important to prioritize your own emotional well-being. Take a break from this friend and focus on self-care.

7. They Don’t Apologize or Take Responsibility

In any relationship, there will be misunderstandings or mistakes. However, in a one-sided friendship, your friend might rarely take responsibility for their actions or offer an apology when they hurt you. This lack of accountability can show that they’re not invested in respecting or nurturing the friendship.

What to Do:

Set Expectations for Accountability: If your friend consistently avoids responsibility or refuses to apologize for hurtful behavior, let them know that mutual respect and accountability are important in any relationship.
Evaluate Their Response: If they continue to avoid taking responsibility, it might be time to reconsider the friendship, as true friends make efforts to learn from their mistakes.

How to Deal with a One-Sided Friendship

If you recognize the signs of a one-sided friendship in your relationship, here are some steps you can take:

Have a Direct Conversation: Communicate openly with your friend about how you’re feeling. Use “I” statements to express your emotions without sounding accusatory (e.g., “I feel like I’m putting in more effort into our friendship than you are”).
Set Healthy Boundaries: Stop giving more than you’re receiving. If your friend is not putting in equal effort, stop initiating as frequently or offering help. See if they notice and step up.
Consider Their Response: After your conversation or after stepping back, evaluate whether your friend is willing to change. If they don’t acknowledge the imbalance or make an effort to improve the relationship, it may be time to let go.
Let Go if Needed: Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your mental and emotional health is to walk away from a one-sided friendship. It may be difficult, but you deserve relationships that are based on mutual respect and care.

Conclusion: Recognizing and Addressing One-Sided Friendships

Friendships should be a source of support, joy, and mutual respect. If you notice the signs of a one-sided friendship, it’s important to address the imbalance. Whether through open communication, setting boundaries, or walking away from the relationship, it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being and ensure that you’re investing in friendships that are healthy, reciprocal, and fulfilling.

By being honest with yourself and your friend, you can either work toward a more balanced relationship or free yourself from the emotional strain of a one-sided dynamic. Remember, true friendships are about both people showing up for each other.