How do socially awkward adults make friends?

Making friends as an adult can be difficult, especially if you feel socially awkward or struggle with social anxiety. Whether you have trouble starting conversations, making small talk, or navigating group settings, the challenge of building new relationships can seem daunting. However, with the right strategies and mindset, socially awkward adults can build meaningful friendships, one step at a time. This article explores practical ways to make friends as an adult, even if social interactions don’t come easily to you.

1. Acknowledge and Embrace Your Social Awkwardness

The first step to overcoming social awkwardness is accepting it. It’s important to remember that everyone has different levels of comfort with socializing, and feeling awkward is a natural part of many people’s social experiences. You’re not alone—many adults experience social anxiety or feel out of place in social situations.

Accept your feelings: Recognize that feeling awkward or anxious doesn’t define you or your ability to form friendships. These feelings are temporary and often less noticeable to others than you might think.
Be kind to yourself: Avoid being overly critical of yourself if you find social interactions difficult. Give yourself permission to make mistakes or feel uncomfortable, as this is part of the process of growing socially.

2. Start with Low-Stakes Social Situations

As someone who feels socially awkward, large social events or high-pressure situations may feel overwhelming. Start small by attending low-stakes social situations where the focus is not entirely on interaction but more on a shared activity.

Join group activities: Participate in activities where talking isn’t the main focus, such as fitness classes, book clubs, cooking workshops, or art classes. The shared activity creates natural opportunities for interaction without the pressure of forced conversation.
Attend casual gatherings: Informal events like a casual meetup at a coffee shop, trivia night, or even a small gathering with a few friends provide an easier environment for socializing.

3. Focus on Shared Interests and Hobbies

The best way to meet new people and make friends as an adult, especially if you're socially awkward, is through shared interests. When you have a common interest, it can make conversation flow more naturally, easing the pressure on both you and the other person.

Explore your passions: Think about activities that bring you joy or topics you feel passionate about. Whether it’s a hobby like photography, hiking, cooking, or reading, joining a group focused on that interest will naturally connect you with people who share your passion.
Look for specialized clubs: Find groups or clubs dedicated to specific hobbies or topics. This could include online communities (Reddit, Facebook Groups, or Meetup) or in-person organizations. When you're discussing something you enjoy, it’s easier to connect with others.

4. Use Technology to Your Advantage

Technology can help bridge the gap for socially awkward adults, allowing you to practice socializing in a more controlled, less intimidating environment. Apps and websites can help you meet people with similar interests and ease into conversations without the pressure of face-to-face interactions.

Friendship-focused apps: Apps like Bumble BFF, Friender, and Tandem are designed to help adults find friends based on shared hobbies, values, and interests. They allow you to connect at your own pace and even message before meeting in person.
Social media and forums: Online platforms like Reddit, Discord, or Facebook Groups let you connect with people worldwide or locally, providing opportunities to engage in meaningful discussions. This can be a less intimidating way to get used to socializing and build confidence.

5. Master the Art of Small Talk

Small talk can feel awkward, but it’s a vital skill for building friendships. Even if you’re not naturally good at it, practicing small talk in everyday situations can make it feel more comfortable and natural over time.

Start with simple questions: Asking about someone’s day or their plans can be a good icebreaker. Questions like "How did you get into [activity]?" or "What’s your favorite book/movie?" can keep the conversation flowing.
Look for common ground: Pay attention to the person’s responses and try to find a shared topic to explore. For example, if you’re both at a book club, discussing the book will naturally spark conversation.
Listen actively: Active listening is just as important as speaking. By showing interest in what the other person says, you can keep the conversation going without feeling pressure to talk constantly. Non-verbal cues like nodding, smiling, and making eye contact help convey that you're engaged.

6. Volunteer and Join Service Activities

Volunteering is an excellent way for socially awkward adults to meet new people while making a positive impact. Volunteering often involves working as part of a team, which helps foster natural social interactions and builds a sense of community.

Choose something you care about: Whether it’s working at a local food bank, animal shelter, or community garden, volunteering provides a meaningful way to meet others while working together on shared goals.
Use service to connect: By engaging in volunteer work, you can build connections based on shared values and contribute to causes you care about. These experiences often lead to genuine friendships built on mutual respect and common purpose.

7. Be Patient and Take Small Steps

One of the biggest challenges for socially awkward adults is impatience. Building lasting friendships doesn’t happen overnight, and you need to allow yourself time to grow more comfortable in social situations.

Set realistic goals: Instead of pressuring yourself to make a best friend immediately, set small, manageable goals like starting a conversation with one new person or attending a social event once a week. Celebrate the progress you make, even if it feels like small steps.
Don’t rush the process: Friendships take time to develop, and forcing connections can feel unnatural. Focus on building rapport over time, and let relationships unfold organically.

8. Practice Self-Compassion and Confidence

The key to overcoming social awkwardness is building self-confidence and self-compassion. Socializing doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and it’s important to remember that mistakes are part of the process. Being kind to yourself and focusing on your strengths will help you feel more at ease in social settings.

Affirm your worth: Remind yourself that you have valuable qualities to offer as a friend. Everyone has unique experiences and perspectives that are worth sharing, and you don’t have to be “perfect” to make meaningful connections.
Focus on progress, not perfection: Socializing is a skill that gets better with practice. If a conversation doesn’t go as planned, don’t be discouraged. Every interaction is a learning opportunity that helps you grow.

9. Reach Out to Others Who Understand

Sometimes, finding people who are also socially awkward or introverted can be comforting. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can help take the pressure off, allowing for more authentic connections to form.

Seek out other introverts or socially awkward people: Many introverts and shy people are looking for friendships as well. By finding others who share similar feelings or experiences, you can create a safe and supportive space where socializing feels less daunting.
Online communities: There are many online groups and forums specifically designed for introverts or those who struggle with socializing. Joining such groups can help you find people who understand your challenges and can offer encouragement or advice.

10. Practice Regular Social Exposure

Finally, one of the most effective ways to overcome social awkwardness is through consistent exposure. The more you put yourself in social situations, the more comfortable you will become. Start small, but try to make socializing a regular part of your routine.

Set a goal for social interaction: Challenge yourself to attend one social event or engage in one social interaction per week, whether it's a quick chat with a neighbor or attending a larger group gathering.
Gradually increase social challenges: As you grow more comfortable, you can gradually increase the level of social challenge. Over time, the anxiety surrounding social interactions will decrease, and you’ll become more confident in your ability to make friends.

Conclusion: Navigating Social Awkwardness with Patience and Practice

Making friends as a socially awkward adult is entirely possible, though it requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone. By starting with low-pressure social situations, focusing on shared interests, using technology, and practicing small talk, you can gradually build your social skills and develop meaningful connections. Remember, making friends takes time, and every interaction, even if it feels awkward, is a step toward building confidence and expanding your social circle. Embrace your uniqueness and take small steps toward creating the friendships you desire.